So Sean has been meaning to show me his outline of Rory’s First Kiss, his very own webseries in the making. What little he has revealed makes me think of The Guild crossed with Quarterlife. The Guild is cool, but I pledge no allegiance to it, just a fleeting Hey that was kinda funny. As for Quarterlife, well, the show is a watered down WB soap, clinging to cliches and borrowed structure as if they were hand-me-downs from Kevin Williamson.

Sean dotes on Rory’s First Kiss the way a pregnant mother dotes on her unborn child: it doesn’t matter that his water hasn’t broken yet, he’ll still spend hours trying to decide on the wallpaper. At this early stage the plot is all that matters. Still, I’m confident he can bang out a pilot that’s a notch above the production values of The Guild and a notch above the conventions of Quarterlife.

Oh and I am, by the way, eating Taco Nachos, a new $1.99 item from Jack-In-the-Box. That’s my keyboard right above it. See what I just did? I interrupted the flow of the topic and substituted it for an image of cheesy-gross nachos. This is called a Chapter Break. You all may visit the restrooms and make a choice at the vending machines.

Sean said that he has trouble reading my long-ass posts, and so it pains me to say that I shall have to relinquish my rambling insight and give in to this ill-educated, homogenized mass of soul-crushing public opinion. After skimming through successful blogs, I see that the only folks who are allowed long-ass posts are either experts and their “industry tips,” or generally attractive girls who Jack Kerouac the crap out of their sentences and are popular; because men on the internet understand that an attractive girl’s blog is the next best thing to sniffing her hair, and so they linger, a misdirected shot at romance.

Oh yeah! My short film.

After brooding all last night till four o’clock in the morning, I formed a solid idea of the first half. As already mentioned, this will be a romance. It’ll be different from Rory’s First Kiss; so different that it’ll be like the North and South Poles–you can’t get any further apart on Earth than that (right?). Sean told me his influences, which are Wes Anderson’s “Rushmore” and, though he didn’t mention it, “Garden State,” because I know it happens to be his number one movie…and is such an inspiration to him that I suspect it even plays a role in the moral choices he makes in life. (“Garden State” is an insidious puppeteer to trend-conscious youngsters that tells them that if they do not meet a girl like Natalie Portman then their life is broken and needs to be fixed by behaving more like Zach Braff)

Pleasant movie, though. I saw it. Twice.

My influences are of the snottier sort, the kind your single aunt or professors are aware of because of course they are wiser and more mature than you and don’t you dare question that: Robert Altman’s “Short Cuts” and Krzysztof Kieslowski’s “Trois couleurs: Rouge”. Yeah, that’s like trying to measure up to God; but as a failsafe I’ll say that my third influence is Sam Peckinpah’s “Straw Dogs”. Because if I don’t like the way my short turns out then I can just end it on a shootout or a rotting, decapitated head…and it will still be an awesome stroke of brilliance.

Wish us luck! And the Taco Nachos are good but now my heart feels slower.